User Tools


Differences

This shows you the differences between two versions of the page.

Link to this comparison view

Both sides previous revision Previous revision
piltdown_man [2019/03/03 01:32]
admin
piltdown_man [2019/09/16 02:11] (current)
admin
Line 21: Line 21:
   * Age of Faith: [[http://​dankennedy3.blogspot.com/​2008/​07/​ae-ak.html]]   * Age of Faith: [[http://​dankennedy3.blogspot.com/​2008/​07/​ae-ak.html]]
   * The 77s: [[http://​www.77s.com/​newsletter/​1997.html]]   * The 77s: [[http://​www.77s.com/​newsletter/​1997.html]]
 +
 +==== The Story of Piltdown Man ====
 +
 +(source unknown)
 +
 +Piltdown Man was born in the heady (and footy) days of the early 1990s when a small band of ill-bred rogues heard of the infamous paleoanthropological hoax and decided that there should be a band by the same name. Having found no actual bands willing to change their name to Piltdown Man, even when jabbed with pointy sticks, the lads had no option but to form the band themselves. After they felled a tree and used stone tools to carve it into instruments,​ which bore a striking resemblance to brand-name instruments,​ they used the same tree to carve amplifiers as well as quarter-inch cables to connect the instruments to the amps. They wanted an authentic sound. They began to make songs and to play these songs for groups of people who acted like they enjoyed the experience, though the members of Piltdown Man have always suspected that the audience were involved a hoax of their own and that they were cheering and clapping for each other rather than for the band.
 +
 +The first to catch on was Kevin, The Literate, who departed to pursue a career in competitive cross—stitch. This gave Matt, The Even More Literate Washer of the Skies, no choice but to take up and wield the perfectly-proportioned,​ six-stringed ax of prosperity, cleverly disguised as a Fender Telecaster. The band pressed on, convinced that their music was actually curing people of both lice and scurvy. There is no evidence to prove that this was not the case, as no one who has ever attended a Piltdown Man show has been reported to have contracted either malady since.
 +
 +In the Year of the Violent Wombat, known in the West as 1995, despite the band's seemingly increasing success, Dave, the Seemingly infinite Sniffer of Planets, couldn'​t resist the draw of public service and left the band to become president of the United States. The whole world recalls his twelve consecutive terms in office with a combination of warm gratitude and white-knuckled terror. The remaining members of the band donned black clothing and ski masks and crept up slowly in a windowless Ford Econoline along Ponce de Leon Ave. and kidnapped and hogtied Alex, The Rightful Prioress of Metal Church, who was subsequently conscripted to provide bass playing, backing vocals, and chips and salsa on command. '8os pop star Daryl Hall joined the band briefly as they walked past each other in an airport. Then he was gone.
 +
 +While on another one of their irresponsible rock and roll jaunts, along with some of their wild-eyed companions from [[Luxury]], two of the members would square dance with death in a less-than-pleasant highway accident. Before and after this auspicious incident, they entered the studio on a number of occasions, and on some of those occasions, they recorded music. Their final album was produced by [[Steve Hindalong]],​ The Much Assaulted, and was recorded in Atlanta and Nashville, with the exception of the kick drum, which was recorded at the and at the Mowson Station Research Post in Antarctica. In the subsequent year, as the band continued enthralling crowds, founding skin pounder, Matt, Mocker of Pyramids and Manner of Gold, departed in order to complete his black belt in Feng Shui. He was replaced by Mark, The Shimmery, who left a lucrative and exciting career as an assistant undercover research chimp to keep the band’s dream of rock and roll infamy alive. This left Gabe, the Gold-lntestined Toucher of Tongues, the only founding member.
 +
 +None of the members of Piltdown Man can recall when, or if, the band ever ended or if the band ever, in fact, existed, but for twenty years they have fought viciously about what the title of the song "​Untitled"​ should be, and only now, some twenty years later, have their lawyers come to a workable agreement. So, here it is, the final Piltdown Man album, along with some bonus tracks. Please enjoy it.
 +
  
 ===== Discography ===== ===== Discography =====